From the Archives is an ongoing series where Sticky Rice Staff Historian Mack Devoto, takes a deep dive into the archives of Sticky Rice. We’ll travel all the way back to 1966, as well as into the more recent past, to see how life for PCVs in Thailand has both changed… and stayed the same.
Mack Devoto, 135 YinD
One of the most common themes I see when reading through the Sticky Rice Archives is that of ‘change’. Change, and what it means to Peace Corps volunteers at the beginning, during, and after service; as (perhaps, not surprisingly) many find their definitions, well… changing. Volunteers who used to feel uncomfortable with sudden shifts in lifestyle, plans, etc., come to terms with and learn to accept and adapt at a moment’s notice; or, volunteers who are accustomed to change, are challenged by the seemingly mundane aspects of everyday life as a volunteer. I find myself in the first category. Before service in Thailand, I was someone who didn’t handle sudden change well. As much as I tried to relax when it came to unexpected plans, a shift in schedule, or other things that were not part of my original understanding of a plan, I would often find myself frustrated. I worked so hard to plan accordingly and to make things go smoothly in my social, professional, and personal life.
One of the hardest adjustments for me was the shift into a more relaxed culture that didn’t prioritize productivity. Quickly, I realized that all of the stress and anxiety I had felt from things not going ‘according to plan’ back home was actually quite unrealistic, and that my mindset was really a product of a productivity-based, capitalistic society. And sure, I have always been aware that ‘change is a constant’ and we have such little control over many things. I wasn’t naive in this way. I simply worked hard to maintain some semblance of schedule and organization, to a point where I was forgetting to properly experience my life in its present moments.
I was reading the Sticky Rice Archives from 2002 recently, when I came across a series about change, very precisely titled ‘Readers Write Change’. Where volunteers wrote about their thoughts on the concepts of change in the context of serving in Peace Corps Thailand. One of the passages that stood out to me was written by Karen Downey. Karen writes:
“How do I handle change? Change is the only certain thing in our lives. I guess it would be a pretty important thing to take a look at. I have to look at how I want to change others, since I am in another country. Trying to change others is not a healthy thing to do. It means that I am not looking at what needs to be changed inside of myself if I am focusing on changing other persons, places, or things. So how can I change myself and plant seeds? How does my behavior affect those around me? How I live and what I do and the way I do is a stronger message than words can ever be… In spite of our desires, changing others will never be an option, whereas changing ourselves takes only a decision and is a choice always available.”
A similar journey to my own, Karen found herself frustrated with change before Thailand. I soon realized, like Karen, that a shift needed to occur within myself before I could make any positive change in my community. Often, impacting and changing our communities will come alongside our personal growth. As we become more relaxed, confident, and present, we become more impactful on those around us. Think of the people who have positively impacted your life. What drew you to them? When I think of the people who have changed my life for the better, and their characteristics, they weren’t hell-bent on staying on schedule; they were joyful, friendly, kind, and attentive. They were people focused on being the best versions of themselves to help others, which is what I wish to be.
“Everything changes. Nothing stays the same, and letting go of the way things are and NOT anticipating what they might become, frees us to live each moment more fully. There is a purpose in how our lives unfold. The ups and downs serve our growth. I think being in another country has allowed me to really feel the extremes with no place to hide. Giving too much attention to either state interferes with our awareness of the present.”
Karen couldn’t be any more accurate in describing the rawness of how service can feel. Two years is a long time. Two years in a foreign country, surrounded by people we do not know, feels even longer. I have felt emotions I have never before felt, being in Thailand. I have experienced new lows, AND new highs; and I can proudly say that I have looked deep into the reflection of myself and what makes up even the smallest bits of my psyche. The isolation we face as Peace Corps Volunteers is so unique to this experience. It forces us to confront the good and bad parts of ourselves that we may not have looked in the eye in a long time, or ever. While this may catapult us into new depths in a terrifying way, it also allows us to plant new seeds to grow into something so incredibly complex and beautiful. Something that once brought such anxiety for me is now something I welcome and encourage. Of course, there are still changes that are cause for frustration– cancelling of a training, class schedules changing last minute, etc. –but I have learned to breathe and accept the many things that I cannot control. With change comes new opportunities.
“As change occurs, it can be messy and not too pretty, but change is always called for or else we remain stagnant. So, where are you right now, what do you smell, feel, see, touch, and can you hear and feel your heart and breath? Change means growth.”
To read all of Karen Downey’s and other RPCVs’ articles on change, take a look here!
2002 July August Septembers Sticky Rice Archives
Sticky Rice 