Tal Carmel, 136 YinD
I was given a new name.
That’s not really as profound as it sounds. I moved to Thailand a few months ago with the Peace Corps, and they’d told us on day one, “They love to give nicknames in Thailand, you’ll all probably get one.”
I was actually super excited for that.
To me, it was going to be a badge of honor, a moment of full inclusion, integration at its finest, and I was extremely interested to find out what my new nickname would be. Would it be something based on my appearance, or on a personality trait? Either way, I was prepared for the day I’d have my new moniker bestowed upon me.
So I was a little caught off guard when it was one of the Thai Peace Corps staff, in my first week in country, who told me right off the bat, “I already know what your new name will be.”
Wait… what?
No big, beautiful naming ceremony?
No, heartfelt moments with my community, in which a village elder honors me with a thoughtful new name?
Not even an endearing and playful one given to me by my host family?
Nope.
My name is hard for Thai people to pronounce, so from day one, my new name was to be a different pronunciation: “Tahn.”
Cool.
Thank you, what the hell is a “Tahn”?
Apparently, it’s a type of coconut tree cousin… or the fruit itself, jury is still out. Either way, I wasn’t about to sulk, but, story of my life, having a “nickname” that is essentially just my name, but mispronounced. I was used to it. So I accepted it graciously with a smile and all the excitement I could muster.
It was about six weeks later when that same staff member came over to me and said, “You know, I’ve been thinking more about your nickname, and I have a better nickname for you, but you can pick between two.”
“Great, now I get to pick my nickname, exactly what everyone wants.” I thought, but again, I took it in stride. She gave me the two options, and honestly, I only remember the one I chose: Tahn Tawahn.
She agreed, saying that’s the one she thought too. I asked her what it means, she told me “sunflower.” That’s when it hit home. I’d never thought of myself as a sunflower. After all, I see the darker, heavier sides of myself, but to her, to everyone I’ve met, the imagery was perfect.
I was… no, I AM Tahn Tawahn. Sunflower.🌻
And I’ve got to say… I’ve been doing my best to live up to that name. Regardless of how I initially got that name, I realized, in the end, I didn’t choose it; it found me.
Now, every art project I create: sunflowers.
Every time I pass sunflowers: “Look, it’s you/me!”
I’ve not just accepted my new name, I’m blossoming into my new identity. And I think that’s the real meaning of a nickname. To encompass it. Not just something you’re called, but something you grow into.
Sticky Rice 
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