English What Now? is an ongoing series based around the humorous, head-scratching, or just plain amusing English found around Thailand observed and written by Teresa Derr.
Teresa Derr, 134 YinD
There’s a recurring tissue bag I often see at my site. It’s a bright, eye-catching orange, sometimes with Chinese(?) lettering on the top. I’ve noticed it not just because it’s almost my favorite color, but also because the makers of this tissue brand decided to write encouraging messages on the dispenser, which is a lovely thought… but sometimes, it’s the right message at the wrong time, which amuses me. So I thought I’d share that with you.
I noticed this message when I had a bit of a head cold and was going through tissues like no one’s business. At that time, the ‘what’ of me the tissue (and others) were meeting was … not exactly what I’d call the best of me!
I saw this one in the bathroom. While I question that there might ever be a time that “what” ends up on these tissues in that location could ever be described as a “joyful color,” I can be grateful for the trusted care! It’s nice to know I have this brand of tissues on my side when bathroom troubles hit.
Okay, this one was the right place at the right time. A grilled sandwich stall just recently opened up in the dtalat (market) in the city nearest me. We passed by and I couldn’t pass up the chance to get what amounted to a grilled cheese sandwich (pizza flavor, with a bit of sauce and meat). This message felt very relevant!
I’ve seen this phrase on more than one tissue bag, across several different brands (including some that weren’t bright orange). I don’t know what quality is being praised with “wettable water.” The tissue won’t fall apart in water? The tissue gets wet in water? Physics still works as intended, and water is wet? Or, alternatively, perhaps they’ve found a way to break physics, and there is non-wet water and you can use this tissue to get it wet again. If you have this super rare, physics-breaking water, I guess. At least while you’re figuring it out, you’ll have good quality, comfortable, soft tissue for whatever other uses you may need it for!
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Most tissue boxes I see are rather normal, with cute bears or unicorns dancing across the top and no words. But every time I see a bright orange tissue box out of the corner of my eye, I have to take a second look and decide if the message feels appropriate or not! Have you seen any nice English phrases that just… didn’t land quite right for whatever reason? Send them along! I’d love to use your contribution in another article.
Sticky Rice 
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