Virginia L. Jackson, 134 TESS
Last week, my host school took students on a field trip to Science Day at Mae Fah Luang University in Chiang Rai. The school gave each of the teacher chaperones, including me, 100 Baht to buy lunch at the food stands outside the event. I did not know this would be an option, so I had packed my own lunch. I tried to give the money back but they wouldn’t take it. So instead, I left the 100 Baht on the seat of the song teaw driver with whom I had ridden there and back. We had a nice connection and he was very patient with my broken Thai. We learned about each other’s families, laughed, listened to music, enjoyed the scenery, and took selfies. I wasn’t comfortable keeping the school’s money and a tip for this driver seemed like a good solution. But I have been second-guessing myself ever since. Did I just commodify a pure and perfectly human cross-cultural connection?
As the end of service nears, I find myself wrestling with issues around money that I will acknowledge right off the bat come from a position of privilege. Many PCV’s, particularly those of us who are a bit older and have some savings, have the capacity to give materially to community members and institutions we have encountered during our service. Most of us probably wouldn’t think twice about buying some books for our classroom or some small gifts as gestures of affection or “nam jai”. But what if a kid desperately needs some dental care or would like to continue their education and cannot afford tuition? Should we step in and help if we can? I can make the case both ways and am truly torn.
On the one hand, it seems like a no-brainer to give whatever I can. Inequities in this world are stark and disturbing, and most of us are here to try to make a positive difference on this front. For a small sacrifice on my part, I could potentially open doors and change lives. I can argue that the only way to truly preserve my humanity and sleep well at night is to respond to need in whatever way I can. I want to live in a world where compassion, empathy, and justice drive us.
On the other hand, I am wary of the savior complex. Giving money might feel noble and assuage my guilt around my unearned privilege but it can also alter motivations, undermine self-sufficiency, and rob the recipient of dignity. No one wants to feel like a “charity case”. An unexpected tip or donation might serve to highlight our differences rather than our commonalities or make human connections transactional. Furthermore, capacity-building and sustainability are the very mission of the Peace Corps, so should we be generous with our time, attention, and skills, and leave it at that?
I am also wary of the god complex. Who am I to decide who gets money and who doesn’t? If I have money to give, surely there are kids in Sudan or Gaza who are far worse off than my Thai kids. Furthermore, who am I to decide what to give or not give? Maybe I’d like to pay tuition, but they’d rather have a new motorbike. Maybe I’d like to buy my counterpart a plane ticket to the U.S., but they’d rather just save up for a house. Then is my gifting an imposition of my values or just newly-packaged cultural imperialism?
I haven’t even mentioned the pressures that donations could create for future volunteers. Could acts of pure kindness and service toward us become a sort of low-key grooming toward a potential gift? Money can sully relationships. I am very curious how other volunteers are framing this issue. If you have any thoughts on the matter or angles I have not thought of, please feel free to reach out to me personally or leave comments below.
By the way, the song teaw driver, whom I had tried to quietly tip, tracked me down through one of my co-teachers later that night to find out if I had dropped the money by accident. I was so moved by this. Time and again, I am floored by the honesty and generosity of spirit that Thai people have shown me. It’s just hard to know exactly how to give back.
Virginia is a first-time Sticky Rice contributing writer! Stayed tuned for future articles.
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