English What Now? is an ongoing series based around the humorous, head-scratching, or just plain amusing English found around Thailand observed and written by Teresa Derr.
Teresa Derr, 134 YinD
Toilets across the world can be very different, and sometimes, having instructions is very helpful. I remember when we first started our pre-service training, it took two days before the training staff remembered to tell us that we were using the toilets wrong. You aren’t supposed to flush toilet paper down the toilet in Thailand – you throw it away. And if you don’t want to use toilet paper at all, many toilets come with conveniently attached “bum-guns” to spray yourself off with.
Though hotel bathrooms don’t come with instructions (very unfortunately; I could have used some when learning to use the bum-gun), public bathrooms often do! And sometimes, the instructions leave you with more questions than others. Here are some funny bathroom signs that left us wondering (many thanks to the amazing Sticky Rice editor-in-chief, Kayla Kawalec, for contributing to this article!):
This sign is definitely the type of instruction sheet everyone needs when touring Thailand. As well as the very important toilet paper instruction for those of us used to America, it has several other examples of how toilets should be used. The correct seating position for a Western toilet is an important distinction when people are used to using a squatty-potty type toilet (one that is a basically a glorified hole in the ground – you very much have to squat to use it). Thank you Leader Willy of the Toilet Partitions (whoever you are/that is) for the clear guidance!
I’ve seen this sign in the bathroom a few different times, though Kayla was the one to take a picture and point out that it would make a good addition to this series. I do not know what this sign is referring to. I’ve been in several bathrooms that double as showers, so washing your feet in the same room as the toilet isn’t unheard of – but in the toilet? Whether the toilet is a squatty-potty or a Western Style sit down toilet, there really isn’t much water in the bowl for people to use to wash their feet, nor are the bowls big enough to sick your feet in. Do they spray them off with the bum-gun? What is on their feet that they’re washing off? Why do enough people wash their feet in the toilet that it needs to be forbidden? Why is washing feet in the toilet a thing people do? Just why?
As far as instructions go, this is a pretty nice one, though hopefully the poor schmuck with diarrhea from the super-tasty-but-maybe-not-so-cooked street food doesn’t have to sit on this toilet with such a cheerful sign of doom hanging over him…
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Needing to go to the bathroom might be a universal experience, but the actual bathroom experience is far from the same around the world. Hopefully this toilet humor didn’t crap on your day too much – I hope that no matter what type of toilet you use today, it is a good experience!
As always, if you see English that makes you feel like a confused poop emoji, send it along to me and get featured, just like the lovely Kayla!
Sticky Rice 
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