Snake Snake Fish Fish is an ongoing series based around Thai idioms/phrases/colloquialisms written about and illustrated by Cloé Fortier-King and guest contributors.
GUEST EDITION: This week, Grace Teng is the contributing author/illustrator of the Snake Snake Fish Fish column
Grace Teng, 134 TESS
Literally, “greng jai” means “the awe of the heart”. “Greng” translates as the feeling of fear or being afraid to act, and “jai” is a relation to the heart. The Thai concept of “greng jai” (เกรงใจ), as I understand it, refers to the feeling of discomfort, not wanting to put someone out or inconvenience them. The concept also applies when someone goes out of their way to help you and you feel indebted to them.
Since the beginning of my journey here in Thailand, and even beforehand, I have only heard of Thai people as extraordinarily kind. Turns out, that generalization is true. I can’t speak about “greng jai” without also mentioning the concept of “nam jai” (น้ำใจ), one of the reasons I believe many Thai people are so nice. “Nam jai” literally translates to water flowing heart, referring to the concept of generosity and going out of your way to help others. My fellow volunteer, Cloé, wrote about her experience with the concept in last week’s Snake Snake Fish Fish column. Thai people often take nam jai to the next level and sporadically gift and assist others unprompted. My host mom has done all she can to make me feel comfortable at my new home. One day she just took a mini fridge from our school and put it in my room! Since she learned I like Pad See Ew, she has made it for me at least four times a week. She always ensures I have my morning coffee and has given me an endless assortment of snacks just because. The list goes on.
As is the nature of being a Peace Corps volunteer, one of the things that can be the hardest for us to do is get around (i.e., prepare to be separated from service if you even look at a motorcycle). Consequently, I have found that “nam jai” has manifested chiefly in providing rides. Being driven everywhere has often made me feel like a little kid again (a sentiment shared by my fellow volunteers and a topic I could probably write another article about). Recently, I took my first trip out of site. My original plan was to bike out to a bus stop about 8 kilometers away from my site to catch a ride to my city’s bus station, where I would then take another bus to my destination. In the end, my host mom had my host dad drive me to the city bus station so I wouldn’t have to bike. They also picked me up when I got back. I say all of this to say I felt very greng jai.
Why am I writing about all of this? I write because the problem with all this nam jai/greng jai is that I have never quite found out how to alleviate my constant feeling of greng jai. I try to come up with ideas for little gifts for my host family, and I always ask them how I can help, but it never feels like enough. For every teeny bit of nam jai I can give, I still feel the weight of my greng jai. Other volunteers have expressed similar woes to me, and I have often chatted with them about feeling like we may never be able to repay our host families and counterparts for all they have done.
We all have set goals for ourselves here in our communities. Personally, one of my goals is to do as much as I can to give back to those who are always helping me. One thing I think we can all do to accomplish this goal is give our best to our jobs as volunteers. My friend and fellow volunteer, Teresa, told me that at her site, she has noticed just how grateful everyone seems to be that she simply does her job.
Maybe feeling less greng jai is a selfish want, and it’s a good thing to be able to recognize and appreciate all the kindness that has been bestowed upon us. Still, I believe that it is a worthy endeavor for us volunteers to try our hardest, not only for the community’s sake, but to show that we are worth the effort they have invested in us. Perhaps, with the little means we have, this is the best way we can show our appreciation for those taking care of us at site.
Sticky Rice 