Kevin Glump Lentz, 131 YinD
Sometimes there are nights where it is difficult to live with yourself. In solitude you sit with no intoxicant or meaningful activity to distract from the brutality of your own introspection. All that is light now fades and a past once conquered saunters back, repeating its too oft pilgrimage to the domain of your consciousness. In the temple of your mind it does not offer prayers; rather, dark reflection and remembrances it chants.
“Thou should have”, it shouts louder and louder filling the temple with blinding echoes. This blindness is not that soft darkness, but the searing dark of embers. Though you cannot see, for light fails to pierce this shade, you know there are hundreds of expectant eyes watching, unflinching. You recognize the eyes of your mother, father, brother, and friends among the mix. Veins run cold and hair stands on end when you feel the breadth of emotion they hold. But you know it’s folly to run or drown your consciousness.
In these eyes there is everything you have been, and everything you are. In their reflections of you the walls you build to obscure yourself are cast down, and finally you can see what you truly are. Your hands scarred from building your walls, the instinct is to embrace the blindness offered by the shouts. But at that moment, you recognize a silence like that which pervades a church after service. You open your eyes to see him.
In him there is the hope of identity, of salvation. In him there is what history, traditions, and circumstances have made you, but there is also so much more. There, lies an acceptance and understanding of the ineffable being that is you. Every drop of your experience, all the inseparable good and bad, is refined into this incomprehensibly complex mosaic reflecting a kaleidoscope of light that can only be described by the word humanity.
This light reflects all the beauty and brutality of humanity: rights and wrongs, loves and hatreds, so close together you step back in fright. You notice the darkness retreating and a sense of comfort as you finally recognize that this person is you.