Cat Nightengale, 129 YinD
My service in Peace Corps Thailand is coming to an end… in 4 months. Lately my mind has been occupied with personal reflection.
Sometimes people ask me, “What does it feel like to be almost done, to be leaving soon?”
My answer is… “All of them. ‘All of the feelings is how it feels.”
Thankful for this opportunity and for all of my people – Thai, American, and others met along the way.
Sad to leave my Thai family and friends.
Relieved that it’s almost over because I have days of extreme homesickness and missing intimacy.
Overwhelmed by the thought of packing/shipping my stuff, saying goodbye, and especially by the thought of starting over.
Worried that I won’t slip back into my old life easily, and paradoxically, also worried that I will.
I’ve had to face some difficult truths over the past two years.
Sometimes people leave you unexpectedly, through death or maybe by choice. It doesn’t get easier, and pretending that it didn’t happen only delays the pain.
There are some things that I don’t like about myself, but that’s okay. No one is perfect and I have room to grow just like everyone else.
I am not my mistakes.
Choose compassion over judgment. Your future self will thank you.
I know I should be grateful for this experience, and I am. I also have other other feelings about it that are just as valid too. I won’t hide from the unpleasant ones, just as I won’t hide from my gratitude. Honesty is just as important as positivity.